We Built This City
{Note: This blog was written on 8/6 but couldn't get it to post until today 8/15.
Sorry for the confusion}
Thanks for the blankie, GGma Betty!
People have been asking me why I didn't tell them sooner that I wasn't feeling well. They ask why I didn't call to ask for their help. And people are probably wondering why I didn't call them and let them know the test results as opposed to putting it out on a blog...Honest truth of the matter: I couldn't even muster the courage to call my immediate family. I had to text them. Saying it out loud made it entirely too real. And the story was so long, every time I told it, I was harder and harder to say.
Since my diagnosis last Friday, I have been to the doctor again twice. (now I know where they make the bank) On Monday, I went to see Dr. Z. She said she had been thinking of me all weekend and she was going to take care of me as my doctor, as a woman and as a mother. It was encouraging when she told me I could get off the meds pending a Cardiac MUGA test that would determine whether or not I needed to take the meds. I guess I was so borderline that she wanted to make sure I was truly between 45-50% ejection fraction. (EF) She said, if I was higher than expected I could resume breastfeeding and wouldn't have to take the meds any longer. It was a slim chance but she wanted to be certain.
Tuesday was the MUGA. Interesting test, I must say. They take my blood, make it radioactive and re inject it into my stream where a machine takes images from the outside. Kind of like a reverse x-ray. The positive side of the test results was my actual EF was 47%. Obviously my doctor knows what she is talking about. So it is back on the meds for me. Could be a few months or could be longer. I am praying my body responds to the medicine quickly and stabilizes this disease just as my doctor thinks it will. She is optimistic.
Wishing I could say the same about myself.
For the last week, I have been living in Self Pity City. Population 1.
Very last of my frozen supply. It went so fast. Tear.
Yes, I read the Internet. Yes, I have been dwelling on the what if's. Yes, I know I shouldn't do either of those.
I should focus on what I have here. What is now. What is today. I need to trust my doctors. All of the life blessings I always talk about, I need to refocus on those. Taking the negative energy and converting it to positive. I need to pray more and worry less. I need to enjoy my family and friends. So, I am truly sorry to my great friends who expected more communication from me, I can't say I will be more forthright in the future, but I will sure try.
But for now, I would like to end this post on a positive note. My blog is not going to turn into a debbie downer convention.
Last week, we had a great dinner with a college friend of Kenny's who was passing though town on RAGBRI. We picked him up and proudly took him to a staple of Des Moines, called Jethro's. Some of you who watch Man vs. Food might remember this spot. CT decided he was going to try the exact same sandwich but not do the challenge which expected him to eat the monster meal in 15 minutes.
YES the MEAL, not just the sammich, in 15 minutes! Absurd.
Jethro's BBQ, Des Moines, IA
I also had my sweet girlfriend, Em come and pick my grumpy butt up for a pedi date. I secretly think she just needed a hutch fix. Oh well, I don't blame her.
Em and Hutch
This week, Kenny, my amazing husband, took off a couple of days from work to be with me and help me cope with the new goings-on in our life. I am sure he's got some coping as well. Because we have Ethan's Meet and Greet in OKC next week. We planned to make that an extended trip. We left on Wednesday evening, after the test results and headed to KC to spend some time at his parents house.
Back on the road...
My road king.
Charlie in the Pod garden fountain
On Thursday, we had lunch with another of KP's college friends, Dan and Goble, at a great place called the Beer Kitchen in Westport. It was delicious and the company was excellent as well!
Ken, Tab, Hutch, Dan and Goble
Since then, we have been spending time with KP's parents, sister and niece, not to mention his grandparents who have loved every second of the Hutchman's visit! It has been heartwarming. We will be here a while before we head to OKC to see more family and friends.
Hutch and Pinta
The set of four generations
GG Sara and Hutch
I guess this is a good example of things happening for a reason. Could the time off, events and the meet and greet have been planned any more perfect?! As of right now, I am turning my thought process around.
Self Pity City - Population, 0.
The Tiger and the Strawberry
ReplyDeleteA man was walking across a field when he heard a rustling in the tall grass beside him, and turned to see the hungry eyes of a large tiger staring at him. The man began to run, fear giving him greater speed and stamina than he knew he possessed.
But always, just behind him, he could hear the easy breathing of the hungry tiger. Finally, the man stopped, not because his strength had failed but because he had come to the edge of a high cliff and could go no further. "I can let the tiger eat me, or take my life in my own hands and jump." The man turned and saw the tiger slowly walking toward him, licking its mouth in anticipation. Resolved to take his own life, the man stepped to the edge of the cliff and bent his legs to jump, when he suddenly noticed a thick vine growing out of the side of the cliff, several feet from the top.
Carefully, he let himself drop down the cliff face, catching hold of the vine as he slid past, and thanked God when it was strong enough to support his weight. Hanging now, the man looked up and saw the tiger's eyes peering over the edge of the cliff. It roared down at him, then began to pace back and forth along the top of the cliff. For the first time, the man looked at the vine that had saved his life. It was thick enough for him to wrap his legs around, resting his arms, and long enough that he might be able to let himself far enough down to jump safely to the ground below.
And the moment he had this thought was the same moment that he saw the second tiger, pacing back and forth at the foot of the cliff, licking its mouth, and looking hungrily up at him. Well, thought the man, if my strength and the strength of the vine are great enough, perhaps I can outwait the tigers. Surely, they'll go someplace else to eat when they're hungry enough. And the man prepared to settle in for a long wait.
His preparations halted quickly, however, when he heard a scurrying, scratching sound close to his own face. Glancing upwards, he saw two mice, one white and one black, emerge from a small hole in the cliff. They made their way swiftly to the base of the vine, and began to gnaw through it with their small sharp teeth. There was nothing else he could do, a tiger above, a tiger below, and the vine that kept him from their jaws about to break.
The man was closing his eyes to begin his prayers, when he noticed, a little to his right, a tiny patch of red color on the face of the cliff. He reached toward it precariously, pulled, and brought his hand back beneath his eyes. There, in his palm, was a luscious, red strawberry. The man swiftly pressed the strawberry between his lips, onto his tongue, and hanging between those still visible tigers, he enjoyed the finest , juiciest, sweetest meal of his life.
"Ah," he thought, as the vine began to give way, "what a wonderful strawberry."