Diary of a Pregnant Girl: 1&2

Entry One: Wardrobe Malfunction

It happened on Saturday night. It was the perfect storm which ended in a pantsless disaster. Let me explain. Kenny and I went shopping earlier that day and I got the cutest Ralph Lauren dress. Basically, a long, plaid, button front shirt with ruffles in the front and on the sleeves. Perfect for short brown cowgirl boots and thin brown belt. I even had the perfect coordinating necklace. The only dilemma was where I would find tights. I thought, 'shoot - tights are simple: Opaque brown tights will do the trick. Should be easy to find as tights are really in style right now.'

I was right. Target had the perfect color of brown opaque tights I needed to complete my outfit. I ran to the T, then jumped into the shower, got ready and as we were running a tad behind, I started to get dressed. I turned and looked at Kenny and he was like, "Um..... *insert very long hum-um noise*...it looks okay." I knew right then, I had done something wrong. My husband, although very sweet, does not lie when I look ridiculous and I always listen. I immediately looked into the long mirror where I saw myself in my not so opaque tights... I looked pantsless with a super dark tan. So what am I to do? I am running late. I didn't have a plan B so I did what any smart, pregnant, confident woman would do. I went for it. I just made sure, while dancing, not to lift my arms overhead. Did I mention, this was my work Christmas Party? Bazinga.

Entry Two: Chocolate Cookie Fail

I have an addiction. Panera Bread is my new fav place to grab a quick sandwich and salad for lunch. I go almost twice per week. If you eat at Panera you know they have these new rewards cards called My Panera. They swipe it and you get free perks for being "loyal". That I am. So today, I went in for a half sammich and a salad when the gal at the counter says the magic words, "You have a free bakery treat on your card." Wha, Whaaa, Whaaat! Well, well, looked like I was about to indulge in luncheon dessert.

While headed back to work, I dug my pregnant hand into the cookie bag and took a small piece. I decided not to inhale the entire cookie as previously planned so I tossed the rest, walked into work, held the door for a few co workers and started toward my desk which is located in a cul de sac just steps off of Executive Alley. That is when I start to smell chocolate. I think to myself, 'Boy, that cookie was potent, I need to wash my hands.' I finished settling back into work, talk to my co-workers and head to the restroom. I washed my hands before using the restroom because the cookie odor was so intense. The mere minute I was in the stall was overshadowed by the smell of cookie, making me completely nauseous. I didn't understand it. I finally looked down and into my cleavage...where a large chunk of chocolate had dropped and smeared on my landing strip (the small flat area between the boobles). I washed my chest (and hands again) and headed my friends desk where she stores a Tide pen, the entire time, thinking about how I had said hello to the CEO and the other executives before heading to the potty. Thought this was a great addition to my wardrobe malfunction story. Before too long, I won't be able to show my face around there. However, leave it to me to find the good in an epic fail: the potent smell of chocolate has left a powerful stinging in my nostrils. I think I will give it up for Lent a few months early.