You are my {Son}shine

Ever had a week that retaught you the value of life.

I have had almost 9.

This entry is long and I share some personal/private information but I think it is important my friends and family know what has been going on in our lives. After reading, we would love to hear your comments.

Hutch is already an amazing 8 weeks old! Did you just say, 'wow, already?' under your breath? I did. He is celebrating his 2 month birthday by taking a nap right now. He received his two month shots, barely flinched and whaled for a whoppin' 30 seconds before returning to his awesome self. He sleeps most the night, takes naps when he is supposed to and doesn't cry unless he is super tired or hungry. He is amazing, which is good because if he weren't so perfect, I don't know how Kenny and I would have managed these last several weeks.

About a week after Hutch was born, we made our first trip to the ER. Not for him, surprisingly, for me. I felt awful. Weak, fatigued, dizzy and my heart rate was low (for me) which sat in the 50's at rest. My normal pre-baby was in the 70s. It freaked me out and so I went. Dehydration, low blood sugar and anemia was the diagnosis. They sent me packing.

I followed up with my doc to make sure my blood levels were normal the next week. With my hemoglobin increasing into the normal range he was happy with the results.

Then the vertigo set in. My right ear would become 'full' feeling, as if you were sick and it was plugged up and the whole room would start to spin. Not like lightheaded, it was a full on tilt-a-whirl in my living room. I had to call Kenny home from work as I was not able to get off the couch, walk, or take care of my son. It was very very scary. I went to the walk in clinic. Diagnosis: Inner Ear Dysfunction. Follow up with PCP.

When I went back to the doctor, he couldn't find fluid or anything that he could see and just thought I needed to take it easy. Again, my heart rate was lower but we all just thought I was recovering from having a big baby inside of me. He referred me to an ENT to be sure.

Sunday the 17th, we had to call over our neighbors after I went to the walk in complaining of all the same symptoms again. He was the WORST walk in clinic doctor I had ever met. Severe dizziness and low heart rate in the lower 60's and he offered nothing. Not even a, "well if it gets worse, go to the ER." Nothing. I called my doctor on call from my PCP's office. She said to head straight to the ER downtown. My neighbors came over and watched Ethan, I called Kenny home from work and he took me downtown. After 4 hours, they diagnosed me with "dizziness" but the doctor thought I could have had a stroke during childbirth. Devastated, I started to cry. I was so scared and even in the midst of such a heightened anxious moment, my heart rate (while on the monitor constantly) was dipping down into the 30's resting. I know athletes and really healthy people have some resting that low, but really... I am neither one of those people. I was frightened. Kenny was worried. He told me to schedule an MRI of my brain to be certain. They sent me packing.

Luckily, Hutch was just being his great self basking in the innocents of childhood as to be expected and I snuggled him closely when we got home.

I followed up with my doctor who put a halter monitor on me for 24 hours on the 20th. On the 21th I went into the ENT. He diagnosed me with Meniere's Disease, a progressive disease, which would explain the dizziness, loss of hearing etc, but didn't explain the heart rate. A disease that usually affects only people in their 70's. Cool. But what the heck was going on with my heart. Sadly, I was sent packing.

As I was still waiting on the monitor results, I had my MRI at 6:30 am on the 22nd. Intimidating. They had to shoot my veins with a dye which meant I couldn't nurse the little man. Thank goodness for my frozen supply but the stress and everything else going on started me make me nonproductive. Again, I was frustrated and devastated. I decided to go the herbal route. Glad I didn't open the expensive bottle....

This past Monday I received word my monitor picked up something. My heart (remember, I haven't been walking or exercising because of the dizziness) ranged from 39 to 164 in 24hours. I followed up with my doctor, who at this point, said I had a healthy heart and the report, although the ups and downs had been seen, showed a rhythm. He believed I was just recovering from childbirth and it was my new normal. I was released to exercise (glad I didn't) and told I had postpartum anxiety. BUZZZ... wrong. I told him, I wouldn't take the meds and I would handle my stress with exercise.

After dwelling on this for a day, and talking to my bestie Lauren who is an RN, I decided to be my own aggressive advocate. I wanted a cardiology appointment and I wanted it immediately. My nurse, Sarah, made the call and got me in. Dr. Z the Cardiologist said she thought I had Postpartum Thyroiditis which would explain the low heart rate. She ordered blood work and an ECCO (ultrasound on my heart) for this past Thursday.

On Friday, I went in for a follow up.

Diagnosis: Postpartum Cardiomyopathy. My eyes welled up. Enlarged heart? Heart failure? What? I had never had a cardiac issue before! How could this be?!?! She stated that my case was mild, on a scale of 1-10, I am a 1-2. My EF is between 45-50% when it should be baseline at 65%. She continued to tell me that although she is confident I will get back to where I need to be, that I would have to discontinue breastfeeding my son because the medicines and I would need counseling to discuss the possibility of future children because the onset during subsequent pregnancies increases greatly. I broke down. Thoughts of giving up nursing which I was so determined to do and loved my bonding time tethered with the thought of no more babies. My ill beating heart broke in pieces and I looked across the tiny room at my husband who was staring at our son and could barely swallow the news.

So I will take my meds and do what I am told by the doctor to make sure I am here and able to take care of Hutch, because IF I am only blessed with one, I am going to give him my all plus some. Although it is a scary diagnosis, I can see the silver lining on the clouds. We caught it early. If I do what I am told, I will be okay. I am not crazy for thinking I had something wrong with me when the doctors couldn't see it. I can hold my head high for being my own health advocate. And I will cross all other bridges when I get there. Next step, today, Tuesday, I have a stress test on my heart just to be sure everything else is in order there. Today, on my son's official 2 month birthday, I started my medicine. Please pray for our family at this time.

Now, this is what Hutch has been up to.

He is jabbering so much these days, following everyone and everything with his eyes even it they are behind him. He is dishing out the smiles and holding his head strong. Soon be on his own. He is 12lbs and 24.5 inches long (94% for his age) and he is eating and sleeping like a champ!

We have had lots of visitors. Kenny's brother and parents came up this month and it was great to have them here. They cooked and putzed and it was wonderful and a stress reliever to have them stay for a while. Just wished we lived closer to family.

It is hard to believe I will be heading back to work in just two weeks. The week before we will be heading down to Oklahoma City for a meet and greet for Hutch. I can't wait to see all my friends and family that are going to be there. My sister, Lauren and Meghann are the fabulous hostesses and we hope to see you there too!!! I can't wait to wrap my arms around you all!

Staying Positive and Optimistic!